self awareness

I managed to escape my little visit to the moon. While there I joined a militant group of Tescos checkout staff who were fighting a barbarian horde of Asda checkout staff. Seemingly both supermarket groups are also planning ventures there.
Now have a new job looking for lost contact lenses.

oh boy

today I found out my company, being forward thinking, are already looking at setting up a base of operations on the moon.
I have been selected to go there soon to check things out. I protested my lack of experience in such matters but they would not listen.

all your base are belong to us!!!!!1111!!shift-1!111

yesterday I went on a trip to a space museum, followed by a meal at Pizza Hut.
I had a nice time at the space museum, till I came accross a picture of my mother. Turns out she was discovered by scientists in a comet that landed here. I was quite shocked and couldn't finish all my pizza as a result.

today I had to fend off and kill several brave armour clad knights who had beseiged me. Turned out they were not knights at all, but just fellow public transport users at the bus stop. Anyway, at the police station there were more brave armour clad knights to fend off and kill and so I walked away pleased my work had been done.

I have just managed to escape from captivity after being held hostage by kittens.
It took a long time to use fluff and bits and this and that to eventually fashion together a ball of string. This I used to distract them long enough to escape.

After days of trying, finally finished the dot-to-dot puzzle that forms the background image of this site. Naturally was appalled at what it was.

My continued attempts to assinate Celine Dion fail once more. If her bodyguards are reading this, DAMN YOU!!! I mean honestly, a truck was a bit heavy handed!

Myths

at great cost I discovered today that elephants are not really afraid of mice, at least the one I was using wasn't.
I will now need some new mice.

tedious

kinda boring day. went out for drink at lunch and bumped into Patrick Duffy from Dallas. I complimented him for his work in the hit show Step by Step. We got talking, and people kept buying us drinks cos he was famous and all. So we were pretty drunk, and decided to go white water rafting, so we took his jet to West Virginia. We didn't actually have a raft so had to "borrow" one. Alas the owners caught us, and started shooting, I managed to get away, but Patrick took a hit to the shoulder and fell over a cliff. Didn't see him again, but I managed to get away from the trigger happy loon. By this time I was late getting back to work (Ionly have an hour lunch) so took his jet back and luckily my boss was away so didn't need an excuse. Just spent the rest of the day working. Hopefully something better to report tomorrow.

records

today I went to the Natural History Museum and pretended to be an exhibit for 4 hours 23 minutes. The guards were pretty annoyed when they found me, but I was pleased cos I had beaten my previous record by 57 minutes.